Novel Bin Chapter 69 - Emotions
"You are not partial, Channing," my voice raised. It had him startled. Channing\'s mouth opened to say something and closed. What was this idiot trying to do? "You are the person who says you will never support a wrong person and here you are hiding everything, saying something as stupid as being partial!"
Channing tried to push it again, "I can be partial, Selene, everyone can be par-"
"But you aren\'t!" I was tired of him just making incoherent words and thoughts and then planting them into my head. At first, I had planned to not be this persistent, but he pushed me to this. I wanted to know what it was. My mind couldn\'t remember doing something wrong and this felt punishing. Especially because it was him and did not know why, but it was punishing, for something which I didn\'t even know.
We had an enormous distance between us and I walked forward and halted, keeping enough space for us to look into each other\'s eyes.
I spoke again, this time lowering my voice, "I know you are someone who sticks to rationality over emotions. Or you would have stopped Hailey today when she was being brutal with Sam. But you knew she wasn\'t breaking any rule, and you held back all your overwhelming emotions." I saw his resolve waver. "If you were partial towards me, you would have made sure I did not get the Handicapped task. Stop running"
It was very odd, the way I was pushing things right now. Forgetting he was supposed to rank higher than me in our current setting. My emotions were new and not understandable to me.
"The members are talking, Selene," he said. Pushing it again. He was making it look like something casual while it was not. I could see it in his eyes.
"No one is talking, Channing!" I almost shouted this time. Why was I getting this irritated? It was his choice to not speak, but I wanted him to speak. My heart was taking me in a flow and couldn\'t stop it. I did not want it to stop. "People are enough tattletales to be talking about such things in secret and nothing has reached my ears"
My eyes were fuming flames right now. This was irritating, vexing, irking... frustrating to see the push, the distance. I did not want to have distance from him. He was the person who showed me this world can be a better place.
Channing looked into my eyes and his eyes softened. I was angry, not because I felt anger, I felt hurt and I did not understand why, but it was because he was holding back.
The room went silent with only the clock ticking filling the heavy atmosphere. Channing couldn\'t bear to see me like this anymore, "You are right, Selene. No one is talking" His footsteps padded across the floor and I had to tilt my head to look at him, his body warmth reaching me "People will soon start talking and I don\'t want that" Channing\'s eyes were soft and truthful.
The answer was the same, but it was leading in the right direction. "Why would they talk if you aren\'t partial?" My eyes shifted between his light grey eyes that had turned liquid.
He closed his eyes and rolled his head, finally giving up. "Because I feel protective towards you"
One of my eyebrows raised in question. How was that related to him going distant from me? If anything, it should make him hover around me more.
Now I did not know if that would lead him to break his principles and be partial, but it was not something that would make him distant. "And?" I knew there was more to it.
His palms ran strenuously over his face, leaving a white and reddish skin when left. I could tell my hurtful face was not something he was taking well right now and so talked forcefully, "Selene, since the time you saved my life, it feels like I am in debt to you" A dry laugh escaped his lips, "A sweet debt that I want to repay and yet, at the same time never repay. To always be in debt to you, keep stretching it as much as I could"
My breath held itself in a gasp as I gulped the tension away. "Why?" I asked in a raspy voice.
I wanted to say, I just did my duty, and he doesn\'t need to pay back or something. He had done enough for me. More than enough.
There weren\'t a lot of expectations I had with people. He had surpassed them enough during the case. But when I asked him why, I wanted to know why not dismiss it.
Channing\'s voice lowered, his eyes smiling with sadness, and it made my heart ache. "There are emotions, Selene, and I feel them strongly. Maybe it is because of my Blood Noesis, the foolish special ability to bring out everything ten folds. I have always kept it under control but with you"
He took his step forward, standing as close to me as possible, till I could feel his presence heavily. He muttered, not breaking the gaze, "With you, Selene, I couldn\'t do it today. The emotions spilt out, and it took me everything to keep it uncontrolled, and not be partial. Some day I won\'t be able to and it would take only limited time till everyone notices it and the talks start"
His words brought weight to my heart, which was unexplained and unbearable. My chest clouded as I took in his expressions and the way he had framed his heart\'s words. My eyes tried to find lies, but it was just sadness and truth.
It was better to ask it and get it more cleared rather than stretching it now that the things were opening. Something inside me did not want to continue. Like my body felt a strange sentiment take over that had not originated inside me. But I couldn\'t stop. "Did you lose control over your anger today?" my voice was low, and he nodded in response. "What went wrong?"