Exclusive Rights to An Online Voice Actor

Chapter 111

Editor: Whiteflare

Most of the time, other people made decisions in Shen Yan’s stead—deciding his birth, his destination, his fate. At those times, he would always allow it in silence, then shoulder all the harm they brought him alone.

These days, he realised that he needed to make some of the most crucial decisions in a person’s life.

He was now much more proactive and took much more initiative to consider the “future”. Not because he got more selfish, but because he wasn’t alone anymore—in his hands was the “future” of two people, much weightier than anything else.

Even during the hours when his mother was undergoing surgery, those considerations never stopped. Or rather, in such a crucial turning point as surgery, it was easier for a person to sit down and think clearly of what one wanted to pursue.

The lit-up red “surgery in progress” sign would leave people with an oppressive and stifling feeling, and because of that, many would lose control over their emotions under this pressure, but he was surprisingly calm. During the three lengthy hours of the surgery, he didn’t get up from his seat a single time. Qi Jing, too—he quietly sat by his side through all that time, holding his hand.

—Are my hands shaking?—They aren’t.

Asking and answering like this repeatedly.

Whether it had any meaning or not, no matter if Qi Jing’s reply was true or false... none of it mattered. As long as he spoke and there was a single person by his side to listen, to respond, it was enough to set his heart at peace.

The woman’s surgery went just as planned and concluded successfully. Because the tumour was benign and it was discovered quickly, it got cut out pretty cleanly—it was the subsequent chemotherapy that everything depended on from now on. After the operation ended, the woman got transferred to the special care unit and was tended to by a nurse so that no infection or cranial bleeding would occur. Only after a full day of everything staying normal did she get transferred back to the normal sickroom. At that time, Shen Yan was handling some matters in the hospital, as well as preparing some nourishing medicines for the post-surgery recovery.

And Qi Jing was quietly helping by his side. Of course, he was still doing it under the name of a “friend”.

“December 3th, cage No.2, a mixed breed dog, about three to four months old. This little fellow got sent to the clinic after getting hit by a car, with internal injuries and major internal bleeding. Now it’s almost two weeks since it underwent surgery and all of its body functions are slowly recovering, but a further observation is still needed. Previously, the little fellow didn’t have an appetite under the influence of the anaesthetics, but lately he could eat the entirety of nutritious meals prepared for him by the nurse...”

What Qi Jing loved the most was to sit by the hospital bed with a diary in hand, slowly reading the animals’ recovery diary Shen Yan wrote at the clinic to the woman. On one hand, he was always very fond of reading its content; on the other hand, for a patient recovering from a tumour surgery, to listen to a few paragraphs of “slow recovery” records written by one’s own son... it was just too suitable.

“Your reading is so good, like a professional broadcaster’s.” After Qi Jing finished reading a paragraph, the woman lifted her head to give him a slight smile, “And your voice is so pleasant to listen to as well.”

“Thank you.” Qi Jing closed the diary, returning a modest smile.

Listening to Qi Jing’s reading those stories was the most enjoyable part of the woman’s day—not only because the one who wrote the diary was Shen Yan, but also because listening to the story of those animals getting healed sounded so warm, making her own mood improve quite a lot. Despite being injured himself, Qi Jing would still accompany Shen Yan when visiting her. He wouldn’t be able to help with any manual task, so he could only encourage her this way—it left her very moved.

“Speaking of which... The commentator for that programme was also you, Xiao Qi,” The woman watched the DVD of the recording on his laptop, “You are very good at this, right?”

“Haha, that’s because it’s required by my work.” And he voice acted a lot too.

“It’s not the same,” The woman shook her head, “Some of the commentators sound devoid of any feelings and stiff, but for you it feels like you’re putting your emotions into it—you really care about those animals. I can see that you have a good heart.”

You have a good heart.

Hearing these words, Qi Jing couldn’t help but laugh bitterly in his heart. If You knew that this “good-hearted” me is a gay who has more than friendly feelings towards Your son, would You still think so—but of course, he couldn’t possibly ask such a thing.

“I’m sorry, I should go to the outpatient sector to take off my cast, I will be back in a moment.” He swallowed back the words surging up his throat. Qi Jing smiled at the woman, still maintaining his urbane and courteous attitude as he stood up and said his goodbyes. During the woman’s recuperation period, he got an X-ray photo taken and received the results of the examination. The doctor said that his left hand had mostly recovered to how it was before the accident, so the cast could already be taken off. Either way, he was around in the hospital everyday, so he just made an appointment today to go to the neighbouring building and take the cast and the sling off.

At that time, Shen Yan was sitting quietly by the woman’s side, peeling an apple. Hearing this, he glanced at Qi Jing, then lowered his gaze again before nodding his head. Every time Qi Jing heard the woman praise him, he would always embarrassedly diverge from the topic or find an excuse to go out for a moment.

In fact, the woman had already noticed that. But she just thought that Qi Jing was modest by nature and would get embarrassed when others praised him. But Shen Yan knew that that wasn’t the case.

“Xiao Qi really has a good heart, I know that for myself.” After Qi Jing went, the woman repeated her words quietly.

Shen Yan didn’t say anything. The knife in his hands peeled around the apple, the blank silence between them like the apple skin under it, growing longer bit by bit. He had a feeling that there should be something more the woman would say after that.

And as expected, she muttered to herself, “For you to have a friend like him, it’s really wonderful...”

“Mom,” At that time, Shen Yan’s hands stopped as he corrected her unhurriedly, “He isn’t my ‘friend’.”

This sentence seemed to have pushed a pause button. All the sounds in the sickroom suddenly ceased, leaving it completely silent.

Shen Yan waited a few seconds in silence. He didn’t get to hear any reply. Hence, he lowered his gaze a bit, once again focusing his sight at the knife in his hands and that half-peeled apple, continuing to peel.

The blade of the knife was very sharp, so it took a lot of effort to not cut off the skin while peeling.

Still, he didn’t intend to put the knife down halfway through—

“He’s not my friend,” Shen Yan’s voice was low and steady as he repeated slowly, “You didn’t immediately ask me just now, so I think that... You probably already realised that, just, You subconsciously don’t want to seek confirmation.”

No reply.

Shen Yan also didn’t raise his eyes, the knife in his hand continuing to cut in, peeling off a continuous and even ribbon of skin; it was apparent that his hold on it was steady. But his voice wasn’t as steady as the knife. “He doesn’t want to tell You this, because he feels that if You knew that... It would probably upset You, cause You to get angry. If our just recently recovered relationship was ruined because of him, he would blame himself until death.”

Still no reply.

“But I think that, this feeling of not being able to tell other people, not being able to be truthful to them, ultimately only being able to bear this pain alone in silence... It’s very similar to what You felt with dad.” Shen Yan paused for a bit here, his voice hoarse, both low and heavy. “You who went through this... You should be able to know even better what he’s feeling right now, isn’t that right?”

With the knife reaching the end, his hand holding it tightened slightly. He watched as the unbroken ribbon of apple skin fell down, like a completed story narrated from the beginning to the end.

Their story would also have a beginning and an end—it wouldn’t break halfway through.

They would also persevere until the very end—

“Mom, I want to give the person I love a status. I want to take him in as my family.” Even though he had the same surname, he wouldn’t follow the same path. He raised head, his gaze sincere, “I decided that I will never become my dad.”

“I’m back.” Qi Jing had yet to come in, but he could already be heard as he greeted them with a smile before entering.

The course of taking off the cast was really short and the only thing that took quite a bit of time was waiting in the line, so about an hour already passed by the time he was back. But when he came in, he noticed that the two in the room were still in their original places—even their postures were unchanged—and neither of them spoke.

The woman still sat by the head of the bed, unmoving, her eyes lowered.

Shen Yan was still silently peeling an apple—it’s just this time it was a new one; Qi Jing noticed the already peeled apple laid on the fruit tray, but for some unknown reason, neither of them ate it, and it seemed like it was there for quite a while, with its surface turning a deep brown colour.

Upon noticing this detail, Qi Jing was a bit surprised, intuitively feeling that there was something wrong with the atmosphere. He asked instinctively, “What’s wrong?”

Hearing this, Shen Yan lifted his head, smiling lightly at him as usual, “Nothing—good job getting the cast off. What did the doctor say?”

It was as if there was nothing out of the ordinary. Qi Jing scrutinised Shen Yan’s expression, but he didn’t see anything unusual about him. Thinking that maybe he was thinking too much, he smiled and lifted his finally healed and free left hand. “The doctor told me that I can use it, but he advised me to avoid making big movements; the usual exercises should be enough.”

Shen Yan observed him calmly for a while, his gaze incredibly gentle as he said in a soft voice, “That’s great... Sit down, wait for me to peel this apple so that we can all share.”

Since he mentioned the apple, Qi Jing couldn’t help but jump on this topic, “That’s right, why didn’t you eat the one on the table after peeling it? It has even oxidised already.”

But Shen Yan’s answer was like they weren’t even speaking of the same thing, “Doesn’t matter, it’s in the past already.” Saying this, he threw out the discoloured apple.

What doesn’t matter?What’s in the past?

Qi Jing gaped at him, taken aback, yet he already finished peeling the apple, and even cut a small piece, raising it for him very casually, “Come, take a bite.”

Shen Yan would often do that when they were at home. So, Qi Jing didn’t think much and bent over habitually, opening his lips to receive it.

“Mh...” At that time, he suddenly realised that he wasn’t at home right now, but in a sickroom—startled, he swallowed the apple quickly, almost choking on it. As he quickly chomped down on it as if to get rid of the evidence of his crimes, he couldn’t help but to covertly take a look at the woman’s face, hoping that she didn’t notice that.

But the woman noticed.

Not only did she notice it—she was also staring at him fixedly. Only at that time Qi Jing noticed that her eyes were a bit red, but also unusually calm. Seeing Qi Jing bite down on the apple Shen Yan fed him with so matter-of-factly, those eyes blinked, and when their gazes met, she lowered her head first to look at her wrung fingers. At last, she let go of her hands, raising her head to give Qi Jing a forced smile. “That’s great,” She said, “Your arm has healed already.”

“Ah...” Qi Jing failed to react at first, but then he hurriedly smiled while saying, “That’s right, thank You for Your concern.”

“As a celebration, how about going out for dinner?” The woman spoke again. It was her first time actively mentioning eating outside.

In her life, she was used to living her days shaking in fear, hiding away from the opinionated gaze of society, like a shade-loving flower, growing alone in the deep shadows. When she was raising Shen Yan in the past, she would always eat meals with her child when the doors were closed, not wanting to be seen outside together with her son—but now she came to get over it.

And her expression was so peaceful—Qi Jing watched her, unable to get over the astonishment.

“Okay.” Qi Jing didn’t answer yet, but Shen Yan already replied in his stead. The woman nodded her head slightly.

“Xiao Qi, will you come too?”

“Mhm, I will come.” Of course, Qi Jing had no reason to decline.

During this exchange, the taste of the apple he had just eaten had yet to fade—after a tinge of tartness, a light sweetness spilled gradually in his mouth.

He didn’t know why, but Qi Jing was suddenly at a loss. Was it because his cast was off? The heavy feeling on his shoulder seemed to have eased, leaving a sense of emptiness—he thought that now he understood what Shen Yan previously meant by that feeling of “escaping”.

“Today was so weird.” After thinking about it back and forth, he couldn’t help but speak up.

Hearing this, Shen Yan turned his face lightly to look at Qi Jing.

It was already nearing ten by the time the two of them returned to the old town district. The north wind was strong that night and the old-school tea houses along the streets had long since closed, only leaving the shop banners fluttering in the wind, fluttering desolately. Many of the households had their lights out as well, so it should be so dark that one couldn’t see any details, but it just happened to be the night of a full moon. The moon hung quietly between the trees, covering the ground in silver—as if letting them into a black and white picture.

With a person in such a picture, the emotions on their face would get written out under the moonlight. Shen Yan also wanted to be able to read the feelings of the man by his side.

After getting off the car, Qi Jing continued his musing, not starting any conversation throughout their way, so Shen Yan kept accompanying him in silence by his side, observing his expression. Just as they were passing through a narrow alley, Qi Jing suddenly spoke up so out-of-nowhere.

And there was also a continuation to it, “I feel like Auntie today wasn’t quite the same as usual.”

Shen Yan asked in a low voice, “How was she not the same?”

Qi Jing raised his head, laughing with a bit of puzzlement at the moon sitting on the branches, as if amused with his own confusing statement, “I can’t say for sure either... I just feel like Auntie paid a great lot of attention to me. She would often watch me for a long time, and when we were eating just now, she would even pass me quite a bit of food. She’s not the type to be skillful with pretty words, so maybe she wanted to thank me this way before leaving the hospital?”

“Maybe.” Shen Yan only replied after a long while, although he knew that it wasn’t entirely the reason.

“Right? I thought of it for a long time, but could only think of this.” Although Qi Jing seemed a bit perplexed, he was still very happy. Maybe this reason was already enough to make him content.

At that time, Shen Yan gradually slowed his steps, stopping in place, watching Qi Jing’s back as he continued to go forward.

“But this feeling is pretty nice, isn’t it?” He asked.

Hearing the other’s voice coming from behind and not from his side, Qi Jing was somewhat surprised and turned back, only then realising that Shen Yan had stopped a few metres behind him. Turning his head back to see that, he couldn’t help a laugh, “Why would you stop so suddenly?”

“This feeling is pretty nice, isn’t it?” Shen Yan only repeated this question again.

“Mhm...”Qi Jing admitted. Although he didn’t know the reason behind it, he still really thought that it felt nice.

Hearing his reply, all of a sudden Shen Yan smiled lightly. It was clearly a smile, but under the vague moonlight, it also revealed a kind of melancholy. He smiled to himself for a while, both his hands in the coat pockets, his posture calm and steady as he stood there, gazing at Qi Jing standing between the alleys for a long time. Before his eyes was the place he grew up in—each street, each alley, and even each wall along them—they were all so familiar; the apartment left him by grandpa was not so far away, and no matter if it was wind or rain, overcast or sunny, spring, summer, fall or winter, nothing ever changed here.

All of it, its entirety, was so familiar and dear to him.

But, it was only when this man’s silhouette was there that this scene became complete. Since that rainy day when he brought this man here, everything here gained a new importance. It was a different kind of importance than that his grandpa had for him, but it was equally as precious—

“It wasn’t as scary as you imagined, right?” The wind carried his low words through the silent alley, passing them to this man’s ears. Suddenly, Qi Jing shook.

“What are you talking about? I don’t understand.”

But in fact, Qi Jing thought of a certain possibility. But this possibility made his heart spasm, leaving him afraid to follow this thought—he would rather stay an ignorant fool, hoping for Shen Yan’s next words to disperse it.

But Shen Yan’s next words not only didn’t disperse it, but even proved it true.

“You have probably already guessed what I’m talking about.”

Qi Jing’s mind buzzed—it was like the figures turning blank in a program’s information overload, leaving it unable to proceed with any action. The psychological reaction couldn’t keep up at all, but his body already reacted with a step forward. His whole body didn’t have a single bit of feeling, as if completely numb, but two traces of tears suddenly fell down from his eyes. With him still in a stupor, those tears fell down his cheeks to the ground.

“Wu...” It was when he got to Shen Yan that he heard his own choked sob.

The first one escaped in spite of him, so he had no way of suppressing the rest. By the time Shen Yan reached his hands out to hold his shoulders, he finally couldn’t help it and closed his eyes, letting the tears pour down as he covered them embarassedly with his hands.

“Why, why...” He wasn’t this scared even when he came out, yet now his whole body was shaking, just as did his voice when he asked.

“I’m sorry.” Shen Yan reached his hands out to take him into a tight embrace, apologising in a low voice. But he only apologised for having hidden the truth, not because he regretted his choice.

Hugged by him firmly, Qi Jing momentarily cried so hard he couldn’t say a thing, only clenching his teeth as he watched his own tears wetting Shen Yan’s collar. He subconsciously raised his right hand, for a moment really wanting to give this man a punch, but in the end, he wasn’t even able to do that—he knew in his heart that he was the reason why this guy opened up about this, so how could he do that?

“Why are you, so stupid...” Pressed against his chest, Qi Jing asked him spasmodically, his throat hoarse from crying.

“Because I couldn’t take it.” Shen Yan chuckled noiselessly, burying half his face in Qi Jing’s hair lightly, kissing his cold ear.

“Couldn’t take it...?”

“Yes, I couldn’t take it,” Shen Yan said softly in his ear, “Because you would give up on your prospects without telling me anything, deciding to stay with me, so I couldn’t take it... So I also decided to act first before telling you—this way we’re even.”

Qi Jing’s breath stagnated, then he asked in shock, “How, how did you know?”

Shen Yan just laughed without telling him.

After a moment of shock, Qi Jing slowly came back to his senses. But his heart was still shaken by the hit it had just received and his knees were a bit soft, so only by leaning against Shen Yan could he stand strong on his feet.

“What’s up with this us being even... You silly thing.” After a momentary stab of pain came the faint, dull one.

His hands gripped tightly at Shen Yan’s back, causing the fabric of his coat to become all crumpled. And Shen Yan only patiently, quietly kissed his forehead, until those sobs slowly calmed in his embrace, “Qi Jing, don’t you remember how I told you that I want you to become my family?”

“Mhm...”

“Then don’t you know what it means to become family?” He asked again.

Qi Jing didn’t say anything, his arms only hugging Shen Yan’s tighter and tighter. The choked sobs stopped, but the tears falling onto his clothes didn’t. Shen Yan sighed softly.

“To become a family means that wherever you are is wherever home is.” He said in a low voice, “Qi Jing, you’re already my family.”

A/N:

This chapter number is very gong... 111 and all. That’s why Kitty Papa this time... is even more gong >/ / /<

It was July 11th when I started “Exclusive Rights to an Online Voice Actor” last year, so a year and two days passed by now. I originally intended to post this chapter two days ago, but because some not-so-happy stuff happened in my IRL (mostly family stuff), I was stuck with the writing for quite a bit, so coupled with how this plotline is not easy to write in the first place, I posted it late. But either way, it still can count as me giving myself a celebratory chapter for a one year anniversary...

I experienced a lot during this year, from writing quietly at the beginning, to many people starting to support me later. There are also some moments of black history and some when I felt down, and I even went on a long hiatus twice. Huge changes also happened for me IRL... So writing this novel has been a bumpy ride, but thankfully I had you guys supporting me until now—thank you all!!

Going back to this chapter, although I know that some people came here to read about 2D, but I still want to deliver the current turning point in their 3D well, to give some satisfactory answers. For me, aside of telling the main characters’ story, it’s also me writing some of my views and attitude towards life, so sometimes it can get long-winded and drag on, but I can only apologise for that. Maybe it’s because I belong to the “old-school writers” here (I came to Jinjiang pretty early, although updating was hard on me and I never finished any works), so my intention to write a novel is still the same as previously—to express an attitude towards life, and not to write a feel-good quick spill of drama that passes as easily as it comes. I had to grumble a bit for my anniversary day, and it’s mainly to encourage myself. ^_^

PS: Honestly, no matter if it’s ErYan or Kitty Papa, these few chapters both of them handle some things wrong, but it proves that nobody is perfect, all of us sometimes lack consideration when we’re concerned and at a loss. But in the end, with both of them being able to settle it together, it’s already enough, lalala. ~(≧∇≦)~

T/N:

Whiteflare: SY mic drop QAQ I love them so much