A President's Out-of-Body Experience

Yu Yuntao repeated, “What are you two gays doing?”

Renzi lifted his head, oh right, we’re both gays. Lying on the bed without any clothes on, this doesn’t seem quite right?

Gu Xiaoshan’s brain started waking up, and gradually recalled what happened last night. He instead calmed down, “At least let me put my pants on.”

Old Mister Yu felt that he should not lose his momentum, so shouted, “You don’t even want your dignity anymore, why do you want your pants?”

What did dignity have to do with pants?

— Gu Xiaoshan did not want to be dragged down this discussion. He only said, “Then your son need not wear pants as well?”

Old Mister Yu choked.

This conversation ended with Old Mister Yu giving in. Old Mister Yu and Yu Yuntao headed out first, while Gu Xiaoshan and Renzi pulled on their clothes with their backs against each other, going downstairs without exchanging a word.

The design of the Yu family home reflected Old Mister Yu’s aesthetics, simple and classical. The staircase here was unlike Gu Xiaoshan’s spiral staircase in his apartment, but a basic, straightforward design. The handrails were an ordinary brown, and when walking downstairs, the chandelier on the ceiling could be seen. This was not the first time Gu Xiaoshan and Renzi had walked down these stairs, but it was the first time that they were together in such a silent and slow moving manner.

When Renzi was dressing himself, his head was still confused, but his ears had turn extremely sharp. Gu Xiaoshan’s movements behind him could all be heard clearly. From the rustling of the clothes, Renzi could even imagine how Gu Xiaoshan’s mesmerising muscles were covered up inch by inch by his clothes, and the vision in his imagination was endlessly gorgeous.

He suspected that he was about to really become a hopeless lovesick fool that was infatuated with Gu Xiaoshan.

Last night?

What exactly happened last night?

Renzi did not give it any thought, used to being lazy to deal with anything, he wanted to let his elders in the living room settle everything for him.

Gu Xiaoshan finally put on the guest slippers and walked out of the bedroom with Renzi, heading downstairs. Renzi followed behind Gu Xiaoshan, looking at his broad back, lost in his fantasies. Only until he registered that Gu Xiaoshan was going the wrong way did he speak out, “Uh... Umm... This doesn’t seem to be the direction to the living room.”

Gu Xiaoshan jolted slightly, and turned his head back to look at Renzi, whose hair was still dishevelled. Above the stairs was a large skylight, and the light streaming in hit Renzi’s face, causing his eyes to shine brightly. In this moment, Gu Xiaoshan seemed to have understood something, and was finally no longer afraid of touching Renzi anymore. Reaching out to pat his hair, he smiled, “Let’s go to the dining room first. We shouldn’t go hungry, right?”

“Yes.” Renzi was a little blank, everything Brother Xiaoshan said was right.

Acting on his own initiative, Gu Xiaoshan brought Renzi to the dining room, and very comfortably called for the help to bring the breakfast up. The help did not doubt him, and went off to prepare. Instead, Yu Yuntao and his dad waited for some time in the living room before being informed by the butler that Gu Xiaoshan and Renzi were having breakfast.

Old Mister Yu and Yu Yuntao both felt that they had lost grip of this seizure of the yellow-legged chicken, and were extremely embarrassed. Yu Yuntao said, “Didn’t I say we shouldn’t give in? Once you take the first step back, the momentum would be lost!”

Old Mister Yu scolded instead. “You think I don’t know that? But he was right! Should we have let our Renzi be naked and hungry?”

“Then we should have let Renzi put his clothes on and have breakfast, and at the same time, let Gu Xiaoshan be naked and we’ll tie him up and beat him!” Yu Yuntao suggested.

Old Mister Yu objected instantly. “Then we’ll really become unlawful criminals!”

As they railed at each other, they finally arrived at the dining room. The help pushed the door open for them, and Old Mister Yu then instructed them all to retreat, leaving the butler there to watch the door.

Gu Xiaoshan and Renzi ate their breakfast in the suffocating silence. Seeing someone coming in to interrupt the quiet, they were actually somewhat relieved. However, upon seeing the cane in Old Mister Yu’s hand and the baseball bat in Yu Yuntao’s hand, their anxiety went back up.

Old Mister Yu smacked the table. “Tell me, what exactly did you do last night!”

Gu Xiaoshan replied calmly, “I don’t remember it already.”

Renzi held his hands up, “I don’t remember too!”

Old Mister Yu scolded his youngest son, “I’m not asking you! Shut up! Eat your food!”

Obediently, Renzi bowed his head and continued eating his nutritious porridge.

“You think just by saying you don’t remember we can pretend that nothing has happened?” Yu Yuntao’s expression was stern. “I think you’ve probably already did that to our Renzi.”

Hearing that, Renzi jerked his head up. Instantly seeing the warning in his father’s eyes, he again put his head back down and continued eating his porridge.

Gu Xiaoshan revealed a helpless smile. “I really can’t remember. Shouldn’t the two of you be even clearer about what happened last night? The four of us were drinking together, and as for what happened after that, I really don’t remember anything. Neither does Renzi.”

Yu Yuntao then concocted a story, “Oh, is it so? Stop pretending! Let me tell you, last night, my dad and I both didn’t want to continue drinking anymore, but Renzi and you were high on alcohol and insisted on going to his room to continue drinking, and so we separated. Who would have known you’re a person like this! Having done that to him, if the news spread out, how can our Renzi go on living?”

Gu Xiaoshan nearly burst out laughing. “Renzi is also not an untouched virgin daughter. He’s already had so many girlfriends, what’s this about living or not?”

“Oh.” Yu Yuntao striked the table. “So you’re admitting that you’ve done that to him!”

Gu Xiaoshan still stuck to his stand. “I was drunk, I don’t remember.”

“Just because you were drunk you can treat it as though nothing happened?” Yu Yuntao swung the baseball bat in his hand, speaking sternly. “What sort of place are you treating our house as?”

Old Mister Yu tried to swing his cane as well, but he was afraid of the butler grumbling over the trouble of cleaning up if he were to accidentally flip over the pot of porridge on the table, and so only snorted, signalling his unhappiness.

Gu Xiaoshan realised that it was impossible to reason with people of the Yu family, as his logic did not go along the same path as theirs. This was clearly a premeditated, planned, but unskilled “badger game”. And as the main lead of the scheme, Renzi was still unaware and did not know how to coordinate with the act, and so it was hard for the act to proceed.

Gu Xiaoshan knocked on the table and asked Renzi, “What do you think about it?”

Renzi blinked his eyes, a complete look of confusion on his face.

Old Mister Yu scolded, “Don’t talk to him!”

Renzi again looked down and ate his porridge.

Gu Xiaoshan spread his hands out. “So how do you want to settle this? Send me to the police station, and accuse me of committing an assault when drunk?”

“There’s no need for that. If this thing spreads out, we’ll all lose our dignity. In the future, you can stop thinking about having a blind date with any decent person, and that goes for our Renzi as well.” Yu Yuntao knocked his baseball bat against the table as a warning, then taking a seat grandly, giving his final word, “You guys should first get engaged.”

Renzi’s face turned pale, and the porridge in his mouth sprayed onto his brother’s face.

Only god knew how much effort and determination had Gu Xiaoshan used to stop himself from laughing out loud.

Renzi finally became aware of what was going on — or it could be said that he was “shocked awake”. “What do you mean? What engaged? Who and who is getting engaged? Who am I getting engaged with? Who is Gu Xiaoshan getting engaged with?”

Yu Yuntao replied, “We can’t let him abandon all responsibilities after taking advantage of you! He thinks our family is easy to bully? Listen to me, we’ll settle it like this!”

“Hmm???!!! Huh???!!!” Renzi tried his best to digest this situation.