A Wish to Grab Happiness

Volume 9, Chapter 226: Two Determinations

…One more time, only once is fine. Can you invoke magic again?

Upon hearing that low voice, Filaret La Volgograd couldn’t help but wave her eyelashes. Reflexively, her reason leaked the following words in her brain.

“It’s Impossible, reckless and unreasonable.”

However, there was no problem if magic was treated normally. Perhaps, she even had enough magical power. Even so, the battlefield magic that Filaret had been invoking from a while ago, and the magical power that she used to embed it, did no longer remain anywhere in her body.

“I can feel my heart increasing its palpitations and I can feel the pain. No, on the contrary, my whole viscera are sobbing as if someone is crushing it. If I lose focus, people will hear my voice of agony.”

“I had a certain intuition. Yes, I had an intuition as a Sorceress who handles magical power. If I deal with battlefield magic again without resting my body, there will be irreversible effects in my soul, not just in my internal organs and body.”

“My soul is no longer intact. I left an irreparable scar once at Belfein. To scratch it again is like hitting it with a hammer.”

“It is not necessary for me to think about what will happen as a result. It will crush.”

A sigh leaked from Filaret’s throat. She blinked her eyelids for a few times. Then, she opened her lips. She shook her tongue in order to avoid making a painful moaning voice.

「Yes, of course. It’s all right, isn’t it? 」

“I tried to smile as much as possible. Did Lugis feel my uneasiness, even though he was facing forward? Was my voice clear enough? Only anxiety remains in my chest.”

“In this state, I will be dead if I use battlefield magic. My soul will shatter. I naturally understood that.”

“How terrifying.” The underlying fear of death tightened Filaret’s throat. On the contrary, if her soul shattered, she would no longer exist in this world. The fear of losing her very existence, which was completely different from welcoming a natural death, was too terrifying. If she were not careful enough, her fingers would tremble, her magic would dissipate, and her eyes would shed tears.

That said. She thought it was okay. For a moment, Filaret had a ridiculous smile on her face. As the Volgograd family once said, she was clearly a strange person.

Life was precious. It was much heavier than money, honor, dignity, affection, pride, and all of them combined. And she was about to throw it away, just for his sake.

Seen from the afar, it was probably an act of distraction. She might even be ridiculed for leading such a silly way of life. Filaret realized this feeling was indeed strange. And she knew it was a stupid decision.

“…But, it is quite simple. He, Lugis, is the one I long for.”

“Even though I was a lead who was not as talented as him, he showed me a golden sparkle. He reached out to me, who had nothing. And he relied on me.”

“Oh, that’s right. How much did that burn my chest? No one else knows but me. Is it something only I can understand? Only I have this feeling. Even if I can’t keep up with him for the rest of his life, I won’t let go of these feelings.”

“Besides, even if I died here as the cornerstone of our victory, Lugis would surely remember me. That alone gave me a reason to do something, even if reckless. If I could achieve it even if I hurt my life, then that would be the greatest of choices.”

“Is it the heat of the battlefield, or am I being driven by the hot flashes of love? I don’t know the answer.” Nonetheless, that decision was undoubtedly the decision that Filaret La Volgograd made in her own chest. Her tears were about to spill from her eyes, and she didn’t even know what sort of emotions she had.

A voice leaked from Lugis’ lips.

「It’s fine. I just want you to apply magic on yourself and go to the support of the main team. I will lend you a horse.」

Upon hearing those words, Filaret…instinctively distorted her lips. Wrinkles appeared between her eyebrows, but they were not due to the pain flowing throughout her body.

Her lips opened naturally.

「I absolutely hate those words of yours. I wonder if you’ve made a mistake.」

Filaret understood that the voice leaking from her lips was shaking. That one determination that was born within her was easily removed by Lugis’ hands. At the same time, she understood that his bad habits had emerged yet again.

He was trying to do something dangerous, for sure. Lugis’ back shook slightly in front of Filaret.

「We’ve reached the final assault against the enemy. From now on, things will get extremely dangerous. And…You’re already at you limit, Filaret.」

When she heard his voice and understood his meaning, Filaret frowned in spite of Lugis’ words. She reflexively closed her lips, wondering if she had spoken about her body reaching its limits before.

“Keeping up with him led to the danger, yes, I clearly knew about it. I can’t argue. Certainly, I became a burden after using the battlefield magic while riding the horse. I understand it well. Still…”

「But, you are the one who should ride the horse. 」

“Why is he trying to lend me the horse? I’m sure he’ll do something dangerous. That’s why he is trying to keep me away from him.” Filaret’s heart was full of concern.

「If I’m going to enter the enemy’s headquarters, the commander who is on the horse will aim and shoot at me. The enemy is also desperate. Then, walking is the safer bet if I want to live. I don’t want to die either.」

That said, Lugis got off the horse. Filaret stretched out her fingers to grab his back involuntarily, but she didn’t have enough strength to grab him back.

“I am useless. I let him go here. When Lugis says something like this, it’s time for him to do something bad.”

Filaret’s soul told her that she should stop him now. Because of her instinct, she stretched her fingers and followed his back.

「…Don’t worry, if you’re uneasy; keep looking at me from the distance, Filaret. The hero needs a human being to see that figure and talk about it later.」

He took my outstretched hand and smiled while speaking. Filaret’s throat killed her own voice. Her heart palpitated fast and heat consumed her cheeks as if her chest was engulfed in flames.

Filaret understood what was behind Lugis’ words. Her fingers, which were now touching his hand, were no longer shivering.

“This is no good. I know it. I’m sure I will regret it. I’m sure I will regret for accepting his words.”

“If Caria was here, she would have rejected it immediately. If Matia was here, she would have stopped him immediately.”

Nevertheless, Filaret replied with her teary black eyes.

「Lugis, it’s okay to run away. You don’t have to be a hero. I’m with you whatever you might be, so you don’t need to carry everything on your shoulders.」

Filaret muttered with a voice that only Lugis could hear. Lugis responded by opening his eyes wide for a moment, and loosened his lips a little.

「Thank you, Filaret. I truly appreciate your kind words. I’ll be back soon. My absence will be brief, you’ll see.」