I’m Really a Superstar

On the official website.

The discussion board beneath the live internet live broadcast page was stirring!

"Hahahaha!"

"Holy sh*t! It\'s so dazzling that becoming blind!"

"Who the f**k said Teacher Zhang Ye can\'t do crosstalk?"

"I can\'t take it anymore. Hahahaha! I\'m already having stitches from laughing! It\'s too funny! Teacher Zhang is too hilarious!

"Teacher Yao Jiancai is also great!"

"This young and old pairing is godly!"

"The two of them have so much chemistry! The burdens come one after another!"

"And did any of you notice? Zhang Ye\'s crosstalk is different from traditional crosstalk!"

"That\'s right. He does not give you a break at all. It\'s full of burdens from beginning to end. A second one comes just as the first ends. This skill is so f**king awesome! Previously, I was still of the idea that Teacher Zhang Ye did not know crosstalk, and did not look forward to it. Now, Teacher Zhang has once again opened our eyes! An awesome person is awesome no matter what! It seems like there\'s nothing Zhang Ye doesn\'t know how to do! To think he can do anything!"

"So interesting!"

"I love Teacher Zhang too much!"

"Just now, I found the other works in this crosstalk competition not bad, but after f**king hearing Zhang Ye and Yao Jiancai\'s, I realized that bunch of crosstalk was just dogshit!"

"That\'s right!"

"Ditto+1!"

"Enough from me, I\'ll keep watching. This live broadcast was probably a mistake. When they realize it, we won\'t be able to watch it anymore."

"It\'s fine, I already recorded it."

"Me too. Such a classic work has to be left as a momento."

......

At this moment.

Central TV\'s Department 11 was already in chaos.

Phone calls from Central TV Headquarter\'s leaders came one after another. Phone calls from other related departments also came in!

Only then did Department 11\'s Director Chen Huo realize that something had gone wrong. After hanging up, he immediately felt pangs of fury. He ordered Secretary An and the person-in-charge, as well as eight others, that had to do with the crosstalk competition, to see him!

"What are you all doing!?" Chen Huo said furiously.

The person-in-charge wiped his sweat and said, "Director Chen, I...I was just following your instructions."\'

Chen Huo slammed the table, "Bullshit! The two of them are on the ban list in black and white! Not only did you not act in accordance with the ban, you even gave them a live broadcast? Do you want to f**king die!?" He really felt exasperated from his anger that his words were full of vulgarities.

The person-in-charge exclaimed, "It was Secretary An who told me..."

Secretary An turned nasty. "What did I tell you? I said that you have to manage the two of them well!"

The person-in-charge stared and said, "Didn\'t you say they need not be managed?"

Secretary An nearly fainted. "I even said to mind the ban!"

The person-in-charge said, "Didn\'t you say we need not mind the ban?"

Secretary An said as if he wanted to vomit blood, "What sort of ears do you have? I even said do not have recordings, and asked if you clearly got that."

The person-in-charge said, "I heard you say to do recordings, and even to do the recordings cleary..."

When Chen Huo and the relevant staff heard this, they nearly vomited blood. Holy sh*t, what the f**k was all this!? Are you f**king spies sent by the enemy!?

No matter how foolish the person-in-charge was, he finally realized it was all a blunder. Your sister! So it had nothing to do with the transfer of the SARFT\'s Deputy Chief that sparked off a political war. He hurriedly tried to explain. "Our cellphone reception today in the station wasn\'t good. It was quite intermittent, and the sound wasn\'t too clear, so I misunderstood your intentions...Aiyah, Hey! Then I\'ll get them to cut the live broadcast signal right away! I\'ll do it right away!"

Chen Huo roared, "Go and do it now!"

The person-in-charge ran out in a rush to make a phone call. Du Du Du. No one in the office in charge of the live broadcast picked up. As such, he ran upstairs personally and pushed opened door to the office in charge of the live broadcast signal. "Where is everyone? Why didn\'t you pick up the phone? Hurry and cut the internet live broadcast!"

A female employee said at a loss whether to laugh or cry, "There\'s no way to cut it. Just about half a minute ago, a few people in charge of the live broadcast got food poisoning after eating the lunch boxes. While they were rushing to the bathroom, they accidentally bumped into the door and closed it. Now there\'s no one in there, and the keys are in the control room!"

Indeed, many male employees were tinkering in front of the door. There was no way to open it!

The person-in-charge said anxiously, "What about the spare key?"

The female employee said, "It\'s in the annex building. Someone is already on the way to get it."

The person-in-charge shouted, "Why are there even more troubles the more anxious I get!"

He could not wait any longer. He rushed to the recording venue. He decided to cut the signal directly there, but he too knew that it was likely to be too late. The crosstalk performance was almost done! Heavens, are you kidding me!? And that Zhang Ye! A problem with the cellphone reception? Every word was heard wrongly by him? After realizing the live broadcasting error, the staff had food poisoning? And even accidentally locked the door? The spare key had not been retrieved yet? This whole series of messy events was too much of a coincidence!

Zhang Ye!

This person was really too damn sinister!

......

At the live broadcast venue.

Waves of laughter surged like tidal waves, and they happened wave after wave!

Zhang Ye stood onstage in a high-spirited manner, and was even coughing in a humorous manner. "When it comes to the art form, crosstalk, there\'s so much to talk about. Now, crosstalk is quite well developed. Look, you can even have such a large scale competition at Central TV. It receives the concern and love all over the country. Compared to the past, crosstalk was faced with all kinds of difficulties at every turn. Back then, crosstalk actors were street performers. It was hard work and wasn\'t easy."

Yao Jiancai sighed and said, "That was the case."

Zhang Ye says: "As the saying goes, even if the gale were to die down, all would still be gone when the rain falls."*

Yao Jiancai replied, "You’re right."

Zhang Ye says, "Initially, we wanted to do it properly. However, when it was time to pay, with a breeze of the wind, everyone disappeared. Fine, I worked in vain that day. The same goes for rain as well. The moment it rains, no one would be outside to listen to crosstalk performances. Thus, crosstalk is different from other industries, such as the bricklayer. Bricklayers are overjoyed whenever it rains.

Yao Jiancai asked, "Why would they be happy?"

Zhang Ye replied, "Drinking his beer at home, he listens to the wind blow outside... Kacha! His mood immediately lifts. When the rain stops, he would have a job to do. He shouts for his son..." He casually pointed to the side. "Go, buy me 100g of beer."

Yao Jiancai pushed him, "Why are you pointing at me!"

Zhang Ye blinked. "I was just using you as an example."

Yao Jiancai said, "Even so, I won’t allow it. Point towards that side."

The audience laughed heartily!

Zhang Ye continued on. "Huaaaa... Kacha, go, get me another 100g."

Yao Jiancai asked, "You drank 200g like that?"

Zhang Ye said, "Huaaaaa... Kacha, get me another 100g."

Yao Jiancai asked, "You are still drinking?"

Zhang Ye responded, "Huaaa... Kacha! Un, I can\'t drink anymore this time round."

Yao Jiancai was curious. "Why aren\'t you drinking this time round?"

Zhang Ye flicked his hand. "My house collapsed."

Yao Jiancai replied, "Hey, it seems that too heavy a rain isn\'t good either."

This punchline sent another wave of laughter through the hundreds of members in the audience!

However, there was a rule limiting every contesting group\'s performance time. It was okay if one\'s performance ended earlier, but it could not exceed 10 minutes. Only in the semifinals and finals would the time limit be raised to 15 minutes or 20 minutes. They didn\'t give that much time in the preliminary rounds. After all, there were too many people in the competition and only 10 groups could take turns to do the recording. It would be considered fast for them if they could finish the recording tomorrow. If they were to be any slower, they might only finish on the day after the next. Thus, it was about time for the conclusion of Zhang Ye\'s performance.

There was no one to inform them offstage, but Zhang Ye and Yao Jiancai were well-aware of it. Especially for Zhang Ye, as a professional host, when the program dictated how many minutes he was given, he was able to calculate the remaining time left within a margin of error of three seconds without even looking at a watch.

Another minute left.

It was time to put the finishing touches.

Zhang Ye gave Yao Jiancai a wink, and no longer added anything more.

Yao Jiancai got the message. "Since you said you are a scholar, that means you can write poems?"

When the audience heard this, they all responded!

"Haha!"

"Give us one!"

"Give us a poem!"

Everyone knew of Zhang Ye\'s famous ability of writing poems.

However, Zhang Ye pushed Yao Jiancai. "Are you trying to harm me?"

Yao Jiancai smiled and said, "How am I harming you?"

Zhang Ye said, "My poems have already caused so much trouble, and you still want me to write one!?"

"Yi!"

"Yi!"

The audience kicked up a row.

Having scolded the radio station, disparaging his leaders, belittling SARFT, Zhang Ye\'s poems had indeed caused quite a stir in the past, and had sparked off numerous controversies.

Yao Jiancai bemused, "Then give us two couplets."

Zhang Ye asked, "What should I write?"

Yao Jiancai gave it a thought, "Write one for the officials."

Zhang Ye exclaimed, "Do you really think there\'s not enough trouble?!"

Yao Jiancai said, "What\'s the big deal? We have freedom of speech."

Zhang Ye said, "Then I\'ll write one for the officials of the old society."

Yao Jiancai said, "Why must it be the old society? Do it for both the new and old society together."

Zhang Ye said, "Alright then, since you dare to die, I\'ll dare to bury you."

Yao Jiancai said, "Hey, what are you saying?"

Zhang Ye pondered for a moment before saying, "Let me write a comparison between old and new officials. Well, the first half is: Brown rice, pumpkin soup, single wife, a bunch of kids."

Yao Jiancai looked at him. "Then what about the second half? "

Zhang Ye: "White rice, turtle soup, ten kids, a bunch of wives!"

Yao Jiancai said, "Ah, then the lateral comparison?"

Zhang Ye said, "Attainted sooner or later!"

Yao Jiancai agreed, "Heh, yes, they should be attainted."

Hearing those words, the audience offstage clapped their hands!

Yao Jiancai smiled. "This couplet is really interesting. Un, how about you write another one, how about one for me and my wife?"

Zhang Ye replied, "Sure."

Yao Jiancai was extremely happy. "So, what is the upper half of the couplet?"

Zhang Ye pondered for a moment. "The sword of a hero doesn\'t age!"

Yao Jiancai asked, "What about the lower half? Where is my wife?"

Zhang Ye replied, "...The madam\'s sultry never wanes!"

Pfft!

The audience erupted into laughter. "Hahahaha!"

Yao Jiancai was speechless. "Comparing the both laterally?"

Zhang Ye casually said, "Adulterous..."

Before he could even say ‘couple\', Yao Jiancai smacked him and said, "Damn you!"

The crosstalk ended!

Zhang Ye and Yao Jiancai smiled and stood straight before bowing to the audience. Then, deafening applause filled the entire recording studio!

Bba Bba Bba Bba!

All of the audience members gave them a standing ovation!

"Alright!"

"Well said!"

"Hahahaha!"

"Too awesome!"

"Divine piece of work!"

"Zhang Ye! Zhang Ye! Zhang Ye!"

Even the female judge stood up from the judges\' table, giving her applause to Zhang Ye and Yao Jiancai. Then, she raised her hand and gave them a big thumbs up!

*The saying originates from the street vendors and stalls. Even if the storm isn’t as bad, they still are unable to do business when it is raining. i.e. The situation may not be as bad, but actually it doesn’t make a difference.